


"rain and salt."

by onhos



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Autumn, Bittersweet, Character Study, Dancing in the Rain, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Friendship/Love, Healing, Kissing in the Rain, Light Angst, M/M, Magical Realism, Mental Health Issues, Metaphors, Mutual Pining, Rain, Spirits, Strangers to Lovers, Tenderness, a pretty autumn fic for u guys :), based on kyu sending lots of rain vids during the summer, gloomy, happy autumn~, rainspell for love hehe~, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26881159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onhos/pseuds/onhos
Summary: It's the rainy season.(Siwon falls in love).
Relationships: Cho Kyuhyun/Choi Siwon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	"rain and salt."

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi :) just moved back into uni for my second year and it's kinda isolating with the covid 19 stuff... anyway i love the aesthetics of autumn so i thought i'd write something to ease our gloom a little <3 i also missed wonkyu. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy the fic !! and stay safe :*
> 
> (and Yes I know kyus rain and salt bubble messages were a mistranslation but I found it pretty so here we are)

_Siwon's gloved hands_ shake when he turns the key in the lock.

It makes a small _click._ Siwon pockets the key and turns away from his front door to the busy Seoul street, where the grey sky is as gloomy as him, and pockets of dark clouds drift idly by. The early Autumn breeze is bitter on Siwon's cheeks, stinging like needle pricks, but the slight ache is soothing to his restless mind. Hands in his pockets, his coat collar turned up, Siwon begins to walk away from his apartment and out into the chilly September evening.

Whenever Siwon feels like the world is suffocating him, he walks. Sometimes he prays, sometimes he reads, sometimes he distracts himself with work - but there's nothing more quick and effective than fresh air. The pavement underneath his feet grounds him, and the sky above reminds him he's alive. The sounds, sights and smells of the city are soothing. Cars, the sounds of their wheels and their horns and, sometimes, the heady smell of the exhaust. People, talking under their masks or holding hands, moving their way through the world, walking past him. It's a soothing reminder that no matter how troubled he is, the world still carries on just the same... and in time, his problems will move on too, and they won't even belong to him anymore.

He takes in a deep breath, and smells fried food and coffee and wet air, the damp musk of the city. It might rain soon, he thinks, eyeing the darkening clouds warily. Siwon doesn't like the rain, finds it too cold and inconvenient, and he vows to find the nearest shelter if the clouds do end up opening.

(He doesn't know that he'll grow to treasure the rain more than anything, not yet).

As he walks, Siwon thinks of everything that's bothering him. 

The start of the teaching year has brought its own problems - the kids don't know Siwon well enough yet to respect him, and they're unruly and rude. In fact, one girl had thrown paint at the wall, and one of the boys refused to do his homework. Siwon loved teaching. It gave his life purpose and meaning, and he loved helping the children and watching them grow. But it wasn't without it's challenges.

Not only that, but he's been in Seoul for two years now, yet he's struggled to make many friends. There's Shindong, his flatmate, who's his best friend. There's the other teachers, too. But Siwon feels lonely, caught in his own mind. Perhaps it's not friendship he wants, but a soft touch that reminds him he can be loved, and warm arms that will hold him through the cold Autumn nights.

I want to rest, Siwon thinks, and feels the first spot of rain in his hair. The lights change and he steps to the next road, the next street, another place for him to walk and try and shake this awful feeling. It's exhaustion and loneliness, this painful shadow that follows him. My life, he thinks, is perfect. He should be _grateful._ But there's always a sad, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, waiting to rise up into his throat.

Another drop of rain, caressing his hair. Siwon sighs and looks up. He can't help but feel that sometimes, God is playing a cruel trick on him.

(He doesn't know, either, that the universe is bringing him a gift.

Rain and salt.)

There is always a moment before it rains when the soft drops seem to... stop. Siwon lets out a gentle sigh, relieved, letting the cold air soothe him. False alarm, he thinks. Then it begins, in a sudden burst, _pitter patter pitter patter_ against the pavements. Puddles forming immediately, painting the roads. Trickling on windshields and staining shop windows. Siwon usually brings an umbrella, but today he'd been too worn out to remember. He groans and scans the street for shelter.

There's warm light, just up ahead. Siwon jogs up to the small coffee shop and ducks inside. When he opens the door there's a small tinkle of a bell, and he's grateful for the sudden warmth that greets him. The place is tiny and shabby, and some of the wallpaper is peeling away, but it's warm and it's dry and there's nothing better than a hot drink and a place to rest. So he steps up to the counter and orders a coffee, then sits on a stool by the window.

Siwon rests his chin on his hand and watches the raindrops trickle down the window. He takes a sip of the coffee every now and again. He supposes the rain isn't as bad from inside, but he still can't quite find an appeal in it. Everything is hazy and damp, and the world is so cold. He thinks that autumn and winter might be sucking the life from him, just like the trees, their branches empty of green or even orange as the rain touches them.

I'm alone, he thinks. At least raindrops fall together, embracing when they land on the ground. But there is no one to fall with _him._ Siwon has never felt as alone as he does when he's sitting in that ugly coffee shop, with the rain hammering against the windows, and the coffee warming his mouth.

(Then the rain sits beside him).

Siwon looks up when he hears the stool beside him being pulled backwards. A man sits beside him, nursing his own mug between his hands. He wears a beige sweater, the sleeves hanging over his hands, and it fits snugly on his soft frame. He has puffy cheeks and clear eyes, dark hair growing down the back of his neck, and he doesn't smile, doesn't meet Siwon's eyes, doesn't acknowledge him at all. He just watches the sky.

"Do you like the rain?" The man asks. 

How long was it, since Siwon spoke to someone new? He smiles warmly, puts down his coffee cup, and turns his head to watch the stranger instead.

"Not really." Siwon says.

The man hums, turning his sharp eyes to Siwon before glancing away again.

He's pale, and his eyes have something young and dark in them. 

"We may be here for a while, if you're planning to wait it out." Siwon says.

The man nods, takes a sip of tea. He has an awkward way of sitting, and talking, that makes him seem not quite real. Like a shadow on the wall. Like raindrops hitting the roof - you know they're there, but their sound is surreal, a glimpse into another world. Yet still his eyes are as clear as water.

"I've never been here before," Siwon continues, "Have you?"

"No." The man glances behind him, and his eyes crinkle a little with a smile. It's endearing. His joy is youthful and new. "It's... unique?"

"It's nice." Siwon defends, but an amused smile is growing on his face too.

"I can think of other words."

"Like?"

"I'd tell you, but the tea is nice." The man's voice drops to a whisper. "I wouldn't want that old woman at the counter to hear me. What if she took it away?"

"You'd probably deserve it."

The man lets out a giggle. It's breathy and sweet like melted sugar. Siwon blinks and realises he'd stopped noticing the sound of the rain on the windows a while ago.

"I'm Siwon." He greets, holding out a hand. He notices small things, like how the man's legs are smaller than his, dangling from the stool. The tea stain on his small spoon. Or how his sweater sleeves are fraying - he sees the tearing of the thread when the man holds out his smaller hand.

"...Kyuhyun." The man replies. His hand is soft and delicate in Siwon's rougher one, as if it's his very first life. Kyuhyun feels precious and flimsy, like he could drift away as quickly as the clouds in the sky. "I'd say it's nice to meet you, but I don't trust anyone who doesn't like the rain."

Siwon lets out a gruff chuckle, takes his hand away, but the strangers touch lingers like raindrops on his skin.

"You love it then, huh?"

"Hm." Kyuhyun considers this, turning back to the window. Siwon has the peculiar feeling that though they're close together on the stools, there's still an endless space between them, that's been there ever since Kyuhyun sat beside him. "I don't know. But every memory I have is in the rain."

"Every single one?"

"Yes."

"But... why?"

Kyuhyun turns to him and gives him a sharp, knowing smile. 

"How are you?"

Siwon blinks. A question from a stranger shouldn't hurt, but it does. _How are you._ Well intended, but never easy to answer. Stiff in his mouth like he's chewing cardboard. He feels like Kyuhyun asked it on purpose.

"Why do you suddenly ask?"

" _You_ asked _me_ a personal question too." Kyuhyun shrugs, his tone cold like a palm pressed against a window in winter, "It's the same thing."

"Oh." Siwon says gently, "Sorry."

There, a small smile tugging at the corner of Kyuhyun's mouth. When Siwon bumps their shoulders together like they're old friends, it grows wider, childish, honey-sweet. Strangely enough, it feels like that uncomfortable interaction brought them close to the beginning of a friendship. A chill that naturally faded into warmth. Siwon takes a sip of coffee and turns back to watch the rain. 

They sit in silence, after that. It's warm, comfortable silence between strangers who have something in common - the rain. Siwon thinks he'll remember this moment every time he needs peace. The lingering taste of coffee on the roof of his mouth. The sound of the rain, still irritating, but rhythmic as it hits the window pane. And a stranger's face, fresh and kind and sharp as the cold. They don't need to say anything. Siwon doesn't even realise it, but he's stopped thinking about the weight in his stomach, the darkness that had led him to this shabby cafe in the first place.

The sky clears, as it always does. Raindrops fade to whispers of dampness until a gradual _stop._ Siwon lets out a gentle breath.

"So, Kyuhyun-"

He turns to look beside him. _What?_

The chair is empty. As if Kyuhyun had disappeared with the clouds. Siwon looks for him in the shop, but finds nothing, not even a shadow. Kyuhyun's mug of tea is half empty. 

Still, still, despite the slight taste disappointment in his mouth, Siwon walks out of the shop smiling. He steps into the wet street. He almost misses the rain.

☁

_That damp, fateful evening_ is still on Siwon's mind in the hectic weeks that follow.

One evening after a long working day, the rain is heavy on the school roof, like it's trying to break in. Siwon packs his laptop into his bag, shutting it firmly by the button and then straightening his tie. They're ritualistic behaviours, subconsciously done, that give him a sense of control. In reality he feels like he's wearing away, broken down, stepped on. The classroom is cast in shadows and despair seems to be lurking there, but Siwon can only sigh and drag a hand over his stubbled face before stepping outside into the cold.

Unlike when he met Kyuhyun, Siwon has an umbrella tucked into his bag, sitting snugly underneath the school books and his laptop. He opens it quickly. Sheltered from the freezing rain drops, he watches the rain from underneath. His fingers grow cold around the metal handle. Yet as he stares into the dark sky, readying himself for the short walk home, some of his despair lifts such a little. The stranger's sweet giggle, tea staining the side of his mouth... it's a fond memory, a warm night that comforted him, and Siwon likes to relive it. Especially when it rains.

Out of the school car park, into the street. The street lamps reflect in the puddles, and they guide Siwon's way, past hazy headlights and rain fall. He steps into a puddle not realising how deep it would be, and the water slips into his leather shoes and makes his socks damp.

Sometimes, Siwon thinks, small things can be everything. Like running out of water with thirty minutes left of class. Like one of your students bullying another. Like spending your lunch break alone, marking homework. He grumbles to himself, weary, and tries to ground himself by listening to the sound of the rain against his umbrella.

(But through the darkness the rain is waiting to embrace him).

When Siwon looks up from his wet shoes, there's a figure standing under the light of the street lamp with his hair soaking wet. As if a phantom. Shadowed in the dark street. He reaches his pale hand towards the sky, and his blue sweater sleeve falls down as he does to reveal his wrist.

"Kyuhyun?" Siwon calls, surprised, a little pleased. He walks towards him. They're soon standing together under the street lamp. "Do you remember me? It's Siwon, we met at that coffee shop-"

It's definitely the same wide eyes and soft cheeks. Kyuhyun smiles a tiny smile when he looks up into Siwon's face.

"Oh, it's you." Kyuhyun says.

"You don't have to sound so disappointed."

Kyuhyun rolls his eyes like a child. His dark hair sticks to his face, and raindrops kiss his chin, by his nose, under his ears.

"You're going to get sick, if you stand out here." Siwon says.

"And now you're lecturing me?"

"Do you want to share my umbrella?" Siwon asks, before he can help himself. His voice is warm and kind and he has the sudden urge to ruffle Kyuhyun's hair, as if he's a stubborn donsgaeng. "My house isn't far from here, you can wait there until the rain passes, if you want."

"You're inviting a stranger to your house?" Kyuhyun teases. He isn't so faraway today. "I could be anyone."

"Oh, please." Siwon laughs, "You're harmless."

(Siwon is right. Kyuhyun is as gentle as the rain, almost never sharp, except for on the outside).

So like a cloud drifting by another, Kyuhyun steps towards him and underneath the umbrella. He's warm and he's new against Siwon's side, and he walks stiffly, his damp sweater sticking to his skin.

When he asks, _how was your day,_ it's an awkward, sweet little thing.

"It was fine." Siwon says.

Kyuhyun hums as if he doesn't quite believe him.

"What?"

(Siwon is so unlike the rain, Kyuhyun is thinking. The rain doesn't hide in the clouds. Imagine if it did.)

"Nothing, nothing." Kyuhyun says.

There's silence, as the rain falls.

"It's just..." Kyuhyun hesitates, before speaking, like the pause of the rain just before the clouds open, "You don't have to say it's fine, if it's not. There's no point. You can't always be happy, and you can't always be sad. So you might as well let yourself be down if you are."

Siwon pauses. Glances at the stranger out of the corner of his eye. 

"Don't you think the rain has to be brave to fall?" Kyuhyun asks, "When it lands it'll fade away. It dies. I bet it wants to stay in the safety of the clouds, but it doesn't. So you should be like that, too."

And then Kyuhyun pulls a face.

"God, ugh, what did I just say?" He grimaces, this wonderful mystical man, "I'm in a funny mood today."

"No," Siwon says warmly, and looks at Kyuhyun in the shadows in awe, "It's okay. You're right. I-"

Siwon pauses, burdens heavy weights on his shoulders and a lump in his throat.

"I'm tired." He murmurs. 

Tired as in bored, of the same grey sky, the same dull, difficult days. Tired as in brittle, his happiness flimsy enough that he can't keep. Tired as in slipping away through drainpipes like the rain. God, he thinks, when will this life be over? Perhaps the next will be kinder to him.

"I'm trying so hard, but I-" Siwon swallows, "I just want to rest."

Kyuhyun steps closer to him.

He's a soothing shadow against his side that makes Siwon melt. He wants to lean against this stranger. He's so tired, and cold, and sick of the long days and the busy weekends. The same day every week, the same life grey and damp in front of him.

Kyuhyun doesn't offer words, nor understanding. That's not what Siwon needs. Instead, he gives Siwon a shy, warm reminder that the world is not empty.

"Siwon-sii," Kyuhyun whispers to him, mischievous, "Do you like the rain?"

And Siwon laughs. Today it's real, and solid. He's not alone.

"You know what? It's growing on me."

By the time the rain is growing lighter they're at Siwon's front door. Siwon puts down the umbrella and runs a hand through his hair. When he looks up, the skies have cleared, and he closes his eyes when the fresh sunlight touches his face.

"I know the rain's stopped," Siwon says, "But you can still come in-"

There's no warmth by his side.

Siwon looks beside him, and Kyuhyun has disappeared. He's growing used to it. He puts his key in the lock, and his hands are steady. 

☁

  
  


_Siwon's pen scratches against paper._ It's a familiar sound.

They have these cheap ballpoint pens at the school. He uses green ink to tick, to correct, drawing smiley faces in the corner of the page. He doesn't like to use red. It feels so harsh for a student to look at their hard work and see it crudely covered in red ink, so he does small crosses in green, always with a small encouragement at the end despite the failures. He thinks that if he can ease their worries, their pain, perhaps the kids wouldn't lash out so much. The world is made to wear them down, he thinks, and that isn't their fault.

It's worn him down for decades, after all. Siwon's fingers hurt from gripping the pen and writing for hours. His eyes are heavy, but he promised the students he would give them their work tomorrow, and so he resists the sleep tugging at the corners of his eyes and continues. Working as the sun sets, as the world grows colder. Siwon should be used to this. But it still makes his shoulders hurt.

Keep going, he thinks.

(Memories of the rain return, subconsciously. He craves that warm shadow pressed to his side. Siwon shouldn't think so much about a stranger.)

Kyuhyun's comforting words had helped him, a little. How would it feel, to accept sadness and let it lie within him, instead of pushing it right down? He sighs and runs a hand over his face. No more, he thinks, no more, please.

The last book closes. Siwon lets out a relieved breath and packs up the books, pulls on his coat, wraps his scarf loosely around his neck. He might crawl into bed when he's home. He might sink into the covers and never surface from them. He longs for dreams.

("Let yourself be down if you are." He hears Kyuhyun say.)

Siwon hears the heavy rain when he steps out into the corridor, and groans. Of course it would be the day he left his umbrella at home. But today there's a peculiar anticipation underneath his grumpy frown. At some point the sound of the rain had made him think of Kyuhyun, and now when he steps into a downpour he always looks for him through the hazy lights. Siwon doesn't realise he's smiling when he opens the school doors and steps out into the car park.

There are no cars. Damp and cold, the world is filtered through the heavy rain, unreal and almost beautiful. Siwon steps into the chill and is immediately soaked to the skin. But there, out in the car park, shining under the light of the moon, is Kyuhyun.

Like a child who still sees the rain as a novelty, he hops along the puddles. Under his feet they splash. 

"What are you doing here?" Siwon yells. 

Kyuhyun ignores him. Jumps to another puddle. This one is deep, and it rises around his ankles, and Siwon hears that vaguely familiar giggle.

"You look tired." Kyuhyun shouts back.

(Rain and salt.

The words should sting, the rain should pierce, but it doesn't).

"You're mad!"

"And you're not?" Kyuhyun gives him a dizzy grin, through the shadows and the parking lot. Siwon is shivering but there's a giddy laugh rising in his throat. "Dance with me, Siwon-sii."

"Huh?"

Kyuhyun turns to him, his clothes sticking to his skin and his eyes bright. His childish smile lures Siwon towards him, through the puddles, and by the time he's close the laugh that has been bubbling for so long is threatening to escape. And then Kyuhyun twirls, and it does, a gruff and joyful thing, so far removed from the tears that had been stinging behind his eyes in the dark classroom.

"Come on," Kyuhyun shimmies, and Siwon laughs again.

"I won't."

"Is it because you're old?" Kyuhyun throws his arms above his head. Moving awkwardly, cutely, his eyes crinkling, "Are your joints too stiff?"

"Ha ha." Siwon deadpans. 

"You're no fun." Kyuhyun pouts. 

His cheeks hurt. He hasn't smiled this widely in a while, a _long_ while, and it strains at the edges of his mouth. _You_ , he thinks, as Kyuhyun twirls again, are a miracle. Cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and the cold. Messy and young, a dim light in the parking lot. For the first time Siwon hopes that Kyuhyun won't disappear when the rain stops. 

Finally, Siwon's smile cracks, and his tears mingle with the rain. He can taste them.

(Rain.

and Salt).

Kyuhyun sees it, of course. He's as sharp as ever. He stops, his brow furrowing in an endearing sort of way, and he stands awkwardly for a moment. Caught in the clouds and the edges of the shadows. Siwon remembers how far away he felt when they first met. He doesn't feel that gap today, at least, not as much. 

Then Kyuhyun pulls him into his arms and the empty space disappears completely.

It's uncomfortable. Kyuhyun hugs loosely, his arms awkward and stiff, and he's damp against Siwon. His wet hair tickles Siwon's neck, and his hands are freezing, but they're a comforting weight against his back. So Siwon stands and Kyuhyun fills up the space, tries to reach him through the sadness and the neverending rain, and somehow he does. Like he's melting, Siwon lets out a long, grateful sigh and leans into him. A stranger who makes him feel warm, inside, holding him through a downpour in an empty parking lot.

Then the embrace ends, like the sky clearing, and Kyuhyun steps backwards. He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, his ears turning bright pink, and Siwon smiles this huge, fragile smile that makes Kyuhyun's face soften. And the rain continues to fall.

"You can look for me when it rains, if you want." Kyuhyun says.

To Siwon, it sounds a lot like, _it's going to be okay._ His chest isn't aching anymore.

 _"(And,"_ Kyuhyun murmurs, more to himself and the sky than to Siwon. _"I'll look for you, too.")_

☁

_The quiet of the library_ is soothing.

Siwon breathes in the smell of old book pages and coffee, and bathes in the warmth of the place. It's almost empty, too late on a Sunday for many people to be milling around, and so Siwon savours the peace.

He sits on the window sill, a ledge big enough for two people to fit. He can feel the cold slipping through the glass but Siwon hardly minds it as he becomes sucked into the book in his lap. This, he thinks, is a moment for himself. Not working, not tiring himself out, not pushing himself hard for the good of others. No, this is his small moment in time, and he’ll savour it.

There is, though, a small wish within Siwon that he wasn’t alone. That there was someone sitting opposite him, reading quietly with him, or just keeping him company through the autumn evening. He tries to push away that lonely longing, but it comes back every now and again.

(The rain listens.)

As Siwon reads his mind sometimes drifts to other things. His childhood, tense and strict, fighting his way through the school system to be on top academically. His university years, kind but working far too much to make friends. And when he’d finally given up his law degree and moved to Seoul instead, to achieve his real dream: teaching.

If he achieved his dream, then why was he so miserable? So many people never got to where he was. It’s not a bothersome thought, it just drifts by his mind as he reads, curious and sad.

Siwon’s thoughts fall like rain, gentle and a little chilly, but he’s relaxed enough to let them pass by.

Then he hears the faint sound of the rain on the windows. Light and pretty. As soft as air. And he feels Kyuhyun’s loose arms around him again, a ghostly shadow.

_You can look for me when it rains._

But Siwon doesn’t have to. Kyuhyun climbs onto the window ledge beside him and tucks his knees up to his chin. His sweater is long enough that it wraps around his knees, and when he looks up he’s almost smiling. How did you find me, Siwon thinks, in wonder, how do you always know when I need you?

Their knees are touching. Kyuhyun looks away quickly.

He doesn’t say anything. Siwon turns back to his book and his slight anxious thoughts have simply slipped away. He... isn’t alone.

It’s raining. And Kyuhyun is staring out into the sky. Siwon glances up at him shyly, to see his brow is furrowed, his eyes shadowed. He’s so used to Kyuhyun’s sweet innocence that his frown rattles him a little.

“Are you okay?” Siwon asks quietly.

Kyuhyun doesn’t look back at him, just holds his knees.

“Sometimes the rain gets tired too.” He says eventually. An admission, of sorts.

Siwon presses their knees closer together. It’s a question. _Do you want to lean on me?_

Softly, droplets trickle down the windows.

(The rain is grateful for Siwon.)

“You can stay here as long as you want.” Siwon’s eyes are warm, his smile encouraging. It’s his turn, he thinks, to be by this stranger’s side. To comfort him.

Are they strangers? Siwon wants them to be friends. Companions under the dark clouds.

“I can’t.” Kyuhyun murmurs, but Siwon doesn’t question it.

He turns back to his book pages. Let’s the world consume him again. Some of him is still on the ledge, close to Kyuhyun, soothing him. The rest is far away. Both of these are warm. In both he finally rests.

When Siwon hears a sniffle, he worries Kyuhyun might be crying. But when he looks up, he has to cover his mouth to suppress his chuckle.

Kyuhyun has slumped against the wall. His head is pressed against the window, and his mouth is slightly parted as he sleeps. His eyelashes flutter. His cheeks are a little pink. He’s cute and small, his breaths light like the evenings rainfall, and Siwon feels a new twist in his stomach.

He lets himself breathe Kyuhyun in. Tea and old sweaters. Rain and salt. His eyes trace Kyuhyun’s soft dark hair, not soaked to his forehead today. It falls just below the back of his neck, floppy and pretty. But a strand has fallen over his eyes. It must’ve been displaced when he slumped against the window.

Siwon’s book falls from his lap onto the library carpet when he leans forward.

He reaches out carefully, and brushes the hair away from Kyuhyun’s face. His hand lingers for a moment, on the warm skin, and he brushes Kyuhyun’s cheek, the soft, plump skin, before swallowing and pulling away.

_Pretty like the raindrops._

It’s foolish, Siwon thinks, to fall for a stranger. But it’s also so very like him. All sentimental and romantic. If Kyuhyun keeps showing up, he won’t be able to stop himself.

He’s beginning to love the rain.   
  


☁️

_They meet by chance_ all rainy season.

On street corners and in the book shop and under the bridge where Siwon likes to watch the river. Across time and rain drops they grow closer. Siwon grows fonder of him every time, until Kyuhyun says _hyung_ through his laughter, until he stops being a stranger and tentatively, over downpours, becomes a _friend._

Siwon’s darkness doesn’t leave him. But it brightens a little on rainy days. And sometimes, Kyuhyun will show his own weariness, too. They lean on each other.

Tonight is the first time there’s been a storm since they met.

Lightning flashes, filling Siwon’s kitchen with a sudden bright light. Kyuhyun jumps in his chair and almost falls, and Siwon ruffles his hair fondly before handing him a steaming cup of tea. A crackle of thunder. He looks down into Kyuhyun’s wide eyes and his heart is warm and loud like the storm.

“Are you cold?” Siwon asks, over another rumble of thunder. Kyuhyun shakes his head, but Siwon goes to fetch a blanket anyway and wraps it sweetly around his shoulders.

He rests his hands on his shoulders for a moment. Lingering.

“Why do you always stand outside when it rains? You’re going to get sick.” He says, half amused and half concerned for Kyuhyun’s health. Kyuhyun shrugs, and pulls the blanket tighter around himself with his free hand. He’s still damp. Siwon came across him a few blocks away on his way home from work, just standing there as the storm raged around him.

“So many questions,” He says, his eyes soft despite his avoidance of the question, “Just let me drink my tea, hyung.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Siwon says, and collapses into the chair beside him.

He listens to the storm. Rain as hard as hail lashes against the windows. There are gaps between the rumbles of thunder, but they’re small. He glances at Kyuhyun, who’s wrapped in his thick navy blanket, and his heart lifts. Part of him, wrapped around the rain, keeping him warm.

“What?” Kyuhyun asks, shifting uncomfortably, his cheeks turning pink.

At first Siwon felt like he and Kyuhyun relied on each other for comfort. Like plants relying on the rain to grow.

Now, he just likes Kyuhyun’s smile and his small hands. He just likes to be beside him. His days are a little more colourful. He’s not alone. And it’s because of Kyuhyun’s voice, his laughter, the songs he hums under his breath.

(Siwon knows Shindong will ambush him with questions and teasing once Kyuhyun leaves, but for know he feigns a blissful ignorance).

If he kissed him, damp from the storm and wonderfully small, would Kyuhyun taste of rain?

“What?” Kyuhyun whines again, burying his face in the blanket, and Siwon beams.

“How’s the tea?“

“It’s perfect, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

And Siwon wants it to storm forever, if it means he gets to keep seeing that shy, sweet face.

“Can I ask you something?”

Kyuhyun nods, gazing down into his tea. He takes another sip, and he’s all cute and cozy in Siwon’s kitchen, like he belongs there.

(Siwon has begun to think he belongs to nowhere except the sky.)

“How do you know always know where to find me?”

Kyuhyun pauses, gripping his tea tightly. He seems to subconsciously melt further into the blanket, and Siwon notices. He notices everything. From the rain hammering on the roof to the damp hair tucked behind Kyuhyun’s ear. He’s memorising the moment so he can replay it on days when it isn’t raining.

“I didn’t mean to,” Kyuhyun says quietly, “At least, not at first.”

There’s still something otherworldly about him, Siwon thinks.

“The rain.” Kyuhyun says, “Doesn’t choose which direction it falls in.”

It’s meant to be an explanation, but it just shrouds Kyuhyun in even more mystery.

“But when the direction changed, I still-“ Kyuhyun swallows, backtracks quickly. His bright pink cheeks whisper rainy secrets.

Silence. Just hard rain. A lovely storm. Siwon loves it. He loves all of it.

“Why do you leave, when the rain ends?”

Kyuhyun winces.

“Won’t you stay?”

“I can’t.”

“Why-“

“Hyung.” He says, his voice strained and hard. He tries to look at Siwon sharply, but it’s softened by fondness, and by their companionship. “The rain always has to end.”

“But I-“

“Don’t.” Kyuhyun glances out of the window, “Look. It’s beautiful. You wouldn’t enjoy it as much if it was always there.”

Kyuhyun is watching the rain, but Siwon is watching him.

“I would.” He says, almost in a whisper. A dangerous secret.

Kyuhyun looks back at him quickly. He understands, of course, sharp as he is. His cheeks darken, and he doesn’t reply, just sinks further into the blanket.

Embarrassed, Siwon turns to the window and realises the storm is fading. It’s finally ending.

The kitchen falls quiet. No thunder, no rain.

And as Siwon expected, when he turns to look back at Kyuhyun, he’s disappeared too.

(But Siwon is left with the thought that if it rained forever, he would love it just as much.)

  
☁️  
  


_Siwon hadn’t known it then,_ but that storm was the last night of the rainy season.

After that the cold sun returns and leaves the world dry. Frost begins to creep along the streets, turning the world white and freezing Siwon’s fingertips. The sky goes a permanent shade of white. There’s not a rain cloud in sight.

As Siwon expected, Kyuhyun disappears.

He waits for rain in the evenings after long days at work. (He misses Kyuhyun). He waits for rain in the morning before class begins and the classroom is silent, the early winter sun streaming through the window. (He misses Kyuhyun). He waits for rain in long afternoons, shopping at the supermarket or catching up with marking. (He misses Kyuhyun).

Some part of Siwon laughs at himself. A few months ago he’d disliked the rain. Now he longs for it. Even at night he listens for the sound of rain on his roof.

However small, however faint.

_Come back to me._

_Rain and salt._

_Kyuhyun._

_Kyuhyun._

_Kyuhyun._

Missing him is heavy as a stone. It wasn’t that Kyuhyun fixed anything. He was just himself, a rain cloud falling on Siwon’s head, a damp hug and a warm smile. And that was enough. It had been from the moment Kyuhyun sat beside him in the cafe.

(Siwon doesn’t know the rain misses him too. How could he?)

One lazy Sunday he lounges on the sofa. Shindong is out, volunteering at a local store, so Siwon watches the sky and reflects over his Autumn. He tries to think of his good memories. Laughing with Shindong. His students slowly warming up to him. Kyuhyun, at the edge of every thought, always whispering in his ear. _Do you like the rain?_

That Sunday passes in cheap instant coffee and the lulling sound of the television. Siwon lets himself relax, though he still imagines Kyuhyun’s cute face, his awkward smile, his small hands. Sitting beside him, maybe.

The sky is clear. And bright. The bright sun is shining, though it brings little warmth.

Siwon blinks. Was that-

He sees it again. A small, tiny raindrop, on the window. And another. Slightly trickling down the glass.

Is it a quick shower, while the sun shines? Siwon watches, and finally he sees the thin, delicate sheets of rain.

Siwon doesn’t hesitate. He runs outside in his slippers and dressing gown, the winter air greeting him, but he doesn’t even feel it. He thinks, please. He thinks, I love the rain. He savours the soft, fast drops in his hair, almost closes his eyes.

Kyuhyun is standing across the street, watching him.

And so Siwon runs, stumbling over his slippered feet. He almost falls into the road, but continues to run, until he’s right in front of Kyuhyun.

The shower is already getting lighter.

“Kyu.” He says, reaching for him. Kyuhyun is pretty and golden under the sun. He doesn’t smile, but his face is soft and open. “Don’t leave-“

But Siwon’s hand touches the air. The shower is almost over. Kyuhyun is disappearing...

He’s becoming faint and shadowy. Siwon can’t touch him. Can hardly even see him, now.

“No-“

The shower ends.

(And Kyuhyun, the spirit of the rain, leaves him once more).

☁️

_If Kyuhyun is the rain,_ what is Siwon?

Is he the snow? Pure white, steady, like flakes falling and blanketing the pavement. Is he cold and brittle, frozen by the darkness that he’s suffered through for so long?

Perhaps, Siwon thinks to himself, I’m the wind. Some days gentle, fluttering through the trees, a warm and comforting breeze. Others destroying everything he touches.

(No, Kyuhyun, the rain thinks, in the clouds. _You’re my sun_ ).

The dry spell continues. The cold winter sun shines steadily, lighting up the frosted pavements. Siwon steps outside and tries not to look for Kyuhyun in the shadows. What if it doesn’t rain next summer, and the summer after that? When will Kyuhyun come back to him?

School days continue on, some fun, some rewarding and others more difficult. Siwon settles more and more into his Seoul life, and he’s close with Shindong, of course. Yet without Kyuhyun, Siwon feels like a part of him is missing, only to return with the next rainfall.

(He takes to checking the forecast every morning.

He doesn’t know it, but Kyuhyun is shyly waiting for the rain too.)

When Kyuhyun had disappeared into thin air, Siwon had been less surprised than he ought to have been. Perhaps because he’d always secretly thought that Kyuhyun was the rain itself. Beautiful and powerful. His clear eyes. He’d made Siwon’s heart cloudy. He dreams of rain, now.

The thick navy blanket smells of a storm.

Still Siwon waits for the rain.

When it rains again, Siwon thinks, I’ll kiss him. I’ll hold him in my arms until he disappears back into the clouds. Siwon almost wants to steal him from the sky.

By the time it rains again Siwon’s image of Kyuhyun is hazy and blue.

On the first morning of December, Siwon wakes to a dark grey sky.

He doesn’t get his hopes up. Not when he pulls on his shirt and tie. Not when he styles his hair. Not when he backs his bag. Siwon glances out of the window a few times, but tries to calm his traitorous heart. So many grey days had passed without rain.

Siwon spends the early morning as he always does. He gives himself a small pep talk in the mirror, smiling, positive. The darkness lurks inside of him still. He just has to fight it every day. He learned that a long time ago.

The rain had fought beside him, once.

Another glance at the window.

( _I know,_ Kyuhyun thinks, from the clouds).

There’s a sentimental thought that Siwon has that comforts him. If Kyuhyun can only come when it rains, does he rest in the sky for the rest of the time, watching over him? Perhaps that’s selfish, but Siwon loves the thought of it.

(Kyuhyun is embarassed, up above.

Would Siwon always know him this well?)

Siwon loses himself in his routine. He bites into a slice of toast on the way out of the door. When he opens it his toast goes soggy from the rain, and there’s a person standing on his doorstep.

“It’s raining.” Kyuhyun laughs.

And Siwon savours the feeling of the rain in his hair. Savours Kyuhyun’s shy, pleased smile. Loves the rain. Loves _him_.

“I missed you.” Siwon says.

“I know.” Kyuhyun raises an eyebrow, as if he isn’t blushing, as if he’s still safely hidden in the clouds.

“Hey, hyung?” Kyuhyun asks mischeviously, “Do you like the rain?”

_Brat._

Raindrops are in Siwon’s hair. They’re kissing his hands when he takes a step down and stands right in front of Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun’s eyes flicker away from him but Siwon chases them, taking Kyuhyun’s chin in his hand and turning his head towards him.

“I wish it would rain every day.” Siwon says warmly.

Kyuhyun tries to wiggle away from him, but Siwon holds him still.

“If it rained forever,” Siwon says, “I would love it just as much.”

Pink cheeks. Hair damp with the rain. Siwon wants to keep him. Kyuhyun finally meets his gaze. His eyes are as fragile as the clouds. Siwon is in awe of him.

“Don’t leave.” Siwon whispers.

“The rain always has to end.”

“Please.” Siwon pleads, “If it could rain forever, would you stay with me?”

Kyuhyun looks away again.

“You already know the answer.” Kyuhyun murmurs.

Then, quieter, as honest as rainfall.

“I wish I was your cloud.”

It’s a confession that makes Siwon feel like he’s being swallowed in a thunderstorm. It’s the most open and sweet Kyuhyun has been with him. He melts.

“Rain on me.”

He leans down and kisses Kyuhyun.

The rain kisses back.

☁️

Siwon wishes he was the rain, too. So that they could fall together.

For now, Siwon will wait for the pitter patter of rain against his windows. When he hears it he’ll run straight to the door.

**Author's Note:**

> you’ll never believe this, but when I was writing the last scene, it started raining. I can hear it from my room <3


End file.
